I’ll have a bowl of snot please.

This recent discussion with Jack and Karen, my father and step mother, takes place on a yearly basis at one of my favorite restaurants/bars in the world, The Broadway Bar and Grill in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, right on the Jersey shore. I’d change the names of the innocent, but as there are no innocent people here, let’s just say I forgot. They’re both wonderful people, but their taste in food sometimes has me heaving.

Waitress: I already know what your drinks will be, you wonderful folks are here more than the staff. Our special of the day is a dozen raw oysters on the half shell. How’s that sound?

Jack: That would be a wonderful appetizer. Karen what do you think?

Karen: I’d love to split some oysters with you honey.

Waitress: (looking at me) And you sir? Would you like our special of the day? Our oysters come right off the fishing boats across the street.

Me: Mmm… that does sound appetizing, but instead of raw oysters, I’ll have a heaping vat of runny snot and could you put a nice warm bowl of ebola soup on the side?

Jack: That is vile and disgusting, have you no shame?

Me: Of course not, just like I’m not going to have any raw oysters.

(A few minutes later Lori arrives with a plate of nastyness)

Karen: You really should try one, expand your horizons for once. You might like it.

Me: I might also like playing in traffic, but that doesn’t meant I’m going to try it.

Jack: Hey, you wanna try these raw oysters? They’re delicious. Right off the boat. (he know’s I know this, but it’s the ritual of it all)

Me: You know what else comes right off the boat? Vomit, from being sea sick, which I’m actually close to doing after watching you two eat that slithering mass of goo. I’ll have 12 more beers though, maybe it’ll help ease my stomach. That seems wise.

(did this actually happen? Absolutely)

Our waitress has known my family for years and I think she goes through this routine just to see what sort of filthy dish I’d rather have in lieu of raw oysters. I’m confident raw oysters are awesome, judging from the number of misguided people that eat them, but you certainly won’t catch me slurping them down.

Lessons Learned:

  1. Raw oysters do, in fact, look surprisingly like a bowl of snot.
  2. Apparently, I’m missing out on these tasty treats and I’m okay with that.


  1. Awe! Poor baby, we torment you so. Now to straighten out a few things. Usually it’s clams on the 1/2 shell but only because the lovely establishment seldom has oysters. And the waitress/ barkeep’s name is Lori. And those 12 beers seem to have altered your memory. Need I bring up your long-standing addiction to “cheesie puffs”? That’s right folks, a life-long Addiction. We almost cured you on vacation in St Eustasia. I am sure you can still taste the offending puffs. All that being said you have to admit the family tradition of going to the BB&G whenever you come home and they do have the best burgers. Dad and I only go to the place on Fridays for lunch. We feel we need to do a quality check so you can be assured its safe for you guys. Now go make one of your famous pumpkin rolls to cleanse your palate and have a glass of “Chillable” wine. Love you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhhh. BB&G. Burgers, Boogers and Goo? Poor scotty. For what it’s worth claims are delicious as are raw oysters. Just not out of the chemical laden waters around here. Just don’t offer him turtle soup….


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