Broken bones are important.

A real discussion about a deeply depressing subject… getting older. As I recently had a birthday I thought this subject was very topical.

Jeff: Isn’t your birthday coming up soon?

Me: I don’t know, what year is it?

Jeff: How old are you going to be?

Me: It’s not important, age is stupid.

Jeff: Seriously, how old?

Me: About 8, maybe?

Jeff: Smart ass. I’m not talking about your maturity level.

Me: I don’t know, 40’s ish, it’s really not that important. I much prefer to judge my age in broken bones and concussions. It’s much more accurate.

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Jeff: How many bones have you broken over the years?

Me: 14, plus at least two concussions.

Jeff: Now see, the two concussions explains a lot.

Me: I said at least two concussions, I probably don’t remember the others.

Jeff: I’m sure you don’t. How is it possible you can very specifically remember the exact number of broken bones over the years, yet selectively forget your age?

Me: Pay attention. Age is a stupid construct of a culture obsessed with arbitrary numbers meant to define a person. Broken bones detail just how much fun I’ve had over the years. Like when my motorcycle tried to kill me last year for instance….broken collar bone, but loads of fun. Broken bones and concussions are a much more reliable number. I’m 14 broken bones and at least two concussions old sounds much more fascinating don’t you think?

Jeff: Wow! So wrecking your motorcycle and breaking your collar bone was fun? You’ve hit your head a lot over the years haven’t you?

Me: I don’t remember… Listen, the fact I’ve broken so many bones and rattled my brain some, is a clear, scientific indicator that I lead a very exciting and dangerous life. Some arbitrary number referencing the number of times I’ve circled the sun indicates nothing about who I am. I’ve really thought this through.

Jeff: Are you sure about that?

Me: I don’t remember.

Lessons Learned.

  1. Break more bones, you’ll have a more exciting life.
  2. Multiple concussions MIGHT indicate you’ll remember none of it.
  3. I think the above is true….I don’t remember.

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