Staff (Staph?) Meetings

Have you ever been to a staff meeting at work and wondered out loud if Chewbacca ever gets mats in his fur? Also, does he get danglers when taking a giant Wookie shit? I’ve wondered these things at work related staff meetings and I can tell you with 100% certainty, this kind of out of the box thinking will get you written up in a big hurry. Not to mention the strange looks you’ll get from your co-workers… you get used to it though. I think most people actually felt sorry for me. My close co-worker friends and fellow sickos appreciated my attempts to make such an unbearable experience more entertaining. My best friend and supervisor simply tried to hide. He knew he’d have to sit me down later and say that while he found my out loud thinking hilarious, it was still inappropriate.

There was also a time we had what’s called a “Holiday Party” because it’s now practically illegal to say you’re having a “Christmas Party”.  Are you kidding me?! This politically correct crap is beyond the pale. Anyway, it was during this staff meeting/holiday party that my supervisor and I were having a weight loss challenge, trying to see who could lose the most weight between October 1st and January 1st. With $80 on the line, the stakes were high. During the holiday party neither of us would eat anything more than raw vegetables and water. Everyone else was enjoying pies, cakes, cookies, brownies, pudding and pretty much anything else you can imagine that would put weight on simply by looking at it.

It was at this time I yelled across the table to my supervisor and declared “Have another cookie, fatty! I can actually hear you getting fatter!” My comment wasn’t very well received by a great many people at the “Holiday Party”. Apparently my remark hit a little close too close to home. My supervisor friend thought it was awesome, he spit broccoli all over his plate. Later he pulled me aside to tell me how inappropriate it was and to never do it again. Totally worth it though.

Lessons learned:

    1. Calling your supervisor a “Fatty” is completely appropriate at staff meetings.
    2. When you blurt out something completely inappropriate at a staff meeting, you should immediately say “It wasn’t me” to throw off any suspicion.
    3. Always have an up to date resume.

Here’s a pretty picture, enjoy!



  1. I can totally see the whole thing. It’s terrible because I know some of them, really. But I can imagine others. I love the “damn it all” attitude and wish I could say things like that. But some people can and the rest of wouldn’t dare. Sad, I am of the latter group. But with time and encouragement – maybe?


  2. Hear Hear. Just another reason to embrace the American Dream and be self-employed. So you can call anyone you like a “fatty” and call any party you attend a “Christmas Party” without fear of being inconsiderate or politically incorrect.

    Liked by 1 person

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