The following discussion took place a couple of days ago with a long time friend of mine. I’m kind of shocked he was surprised by this discussion, we’ve been friends for over a decade. You might think he’d be accostomed to my general weirdness. We’ll call him “The Hipster” to protect his identity.
“The Hipster”: Hey, check it out. One of your cats is dropping a giant, steaming pile of good news right in the middle of your back yard. Cats have no sense of dignity.
Me: Avert your eyes! Make no mention of what you just saw! You’ll get us both killed!
“The Hipster”: Huh, what is your problem? The cat’s dropping a deuce for all the world to see, it’s funny. Why are you freaking out?
Me: There, you see, you’re still doing it. Are you a monster or something? Have you no regard for human life? I’m an innocent bystander here! Stop making a scene.
“The Hipster”: You’re the one making a scene, it’s just a cat pooping in the open. It should be mocked, you see…..it’s funny.
Me: We’re dead! I hope you’re satisfied, you savage.
“The Hipster”: You’ve clearly lost any sense of sanity that remained.
Me: Don’t you understand? Cats hate being mocked for any reason…..ANY REASON! But most especially, they hate being mocked for their ability to crap in public without a care in the world….it’s like a super power. A shitting super power if you will. Can you begin to imagine the freedom involved in that?
“The Hipster”: I can imagine you’re crazy.
Me: I’m sure I am crazy, thanks for noticing. Cats have one very specific rule regarding living in their world.
“The Hipster”: Awesome, I’m sure you’re going to tell me. Please stop….
Me: Cats have only one rule, all other rules revolve around the one rule.
“The Hipster”: You’re not making any sense.
Me: Have you never heard of the International Kitty Conclave of 1344 and the Kitty rules that followed the year after?
“The Hipster”: Can I go home?
Me: You’ll only arrive home dead thanks to your total disregard to the Kitty rule. I swear, tomorrow morning you’ll wake up dead! You’ve been warned……
- “The Hipster” doesn’t care for his own safety, nor the safety of others.
- He still doesn’t know “The Kitty rule”.
- Neither do you…..study your history people!