The Shitty Kitty.

The following discussion took place a couple of days ago with a long time friend of mine. I’m kind of shocked he was surprised by this discussion, we’ve been friends for over a decade. You might think he’d be accostomed to my general weirdness. We’ll call him “The Hipster” to protect his identity.

“The Hipster”: Hey, check it out. One of your cats is dropping a giant, steaming pile of good news right in the middle of your back yard. Cats have no sense of dignity.

Me: Avert your eyes! Make no mention of what you just saw! You’ll get us both killed!

“The Hipster”: Huh, what is your problem? The cat’s dropping a deuce for all the world to see, it’s funny. Why are you freaking out?

Me: There, you see, you’re still doing it. Are you a monster or something? Have you no regard for human life? I’m an innocent bystander here! Stop making a scene.

“The Hipster”: You’re the one making a scene, it’s just a cat pooping in the open. It should be mocked, you see…’s funny.

Me: We’re dead! I hope you’re satisfied, you savage.

“The Hipster”: You’ve clearly lost any sense of sanity that remained.

Me: Don’t you understand? Cats hate being mocked for any reason…..ANY REASON! But most especially, they hate being mocked for their ability to crap in public without a care in the world….it’s like a super power. A shitting super power if you will. Can you begin to imagine the freedom involved in that?

“The Hipster”: I can imagine you’re crazy.

Me: I’m sure I am crazy, thanks for noticing. Cats have one very specific rule regarding living in their world.

“The Hipster”: Awesome, I’m sure you’re going to tell me. Please stop….

Me: Cats have only one rule, all other rules revolve around the one rule.

“The Hipster”: You’re not making any sense.

Me: Have you never heard of the International Kitty Conclave of 1344 and the Kitty rules that followed the year after?

“The Hipster”: Can I go home?

Me: You’ll only arrive home dead thanks to your total disregard to the Kitty rule. I swear, tomorrow morning you’ll wake up dead! You’ve been warned……

Lessons learned.

  1. “The Hipster” doesn’t care for his own safety, nor the safety of others.
  2. He still doesn’t know “The Kitty rule”.
  3. Neither do you… your history people!

One comment

  1. Ummm. Scotty, there are several Kitty rules that I’ve heard of. How many Kitty Conclaves have there been? Haven’t read the rules.
    Are they restricted to one rule per conclave? Or, were they all decided at the one in1344?

    You may have opened a real can of worms here. Few of us are up on feline history.

    Thanks, Buddy.

    Liked by 2 people

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