The Jurassic Period

I live on a farm on planet earth, somewhere on the North American continent in the United States of America, in a state inhabited largely with leftover deadly animals from the Jurassic period. It is a land commonly known as “Texas”. On this farm, lovingly called “Box Spring Creek Farm” (Boxspringcreekfarms.com), we have an ever changing menagerie of animals. It’s exactly like Noah’s ark, if Noah’s ark never took place on a boat and if Noah’s ark wasn’t floated away by never ending rain (we haven’t had measurable rain here in about four months). Other than those minor details, this farm is EXACTLY like Noah’s ark.

Anyway, we have goats on this farm. Lots of damn goats! During mating season, the male goats get rather randy and have a very special way of attracting the ladies. Apparently, these male goats have discovered that pissing on their faces and front legs creates an intoxicating scent that is irresistible to the lady goats. I can testify that it’s a smell worse than a kitten farting in your face (Fart Zombie read here). The lady goats love this display and total disregard for one’s own dignity and hygiene.

But, it makes me ponder this… if it’s so successful for the boy goats, what if I were to dress up in my finest cut off jean shorts (jorts), crocks (with socks of course), a muscle tee, then pissed all over myself and go to Wal-Mart to see if I could attract the ladies on isle 12? I’m confident I’d attract all sorts of attention, maybe even from some female cops. Then again, if I actually did try this at Wal-Mart, it’s highly likely no one would notice a thing. Nature is weird that way. We can all learn a lot from mother nature, especially from piss covered, stinky goats.

Lessons learned

1. Male goats are disgusting… actually there are probably some parallels with human behavior.

2. Don’t ever frequent Wal-Mart…ever, it’s not worth it.

3. Mother nature is strange…in a piss covered goat sort of way.

4 comments

  1. We may not piss on ourselves to attract the opposite sex but we humans do a plethora of other dumb shit to find a mate. Take a past President for example who got impeached for playing “hide the cigar” in the Oval Office during business hours. I think the animal kingdom is far superior. Just saying.

    Liked by 1 person

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